A new year with new resolutions, hope and aspirations.

Yeah, its like in the wee hours of the day and what the hell m i doing here with a 12 noon class. I think i just need to rant at this hour. 2011, this isnt the best of mood to start the year, in fact it has been like that for the past 2 years. I reckon it is the pre-exams anxiety. Just that this year, it feels that i have fallen deep underground. And i am finding it really really hard to gain footing. i really don know what m i doing. I should have more time this time round but didnt feel that way. Why ? Why ? Why ? I am really curious why. And this time i am really not joking, I am really at the brim of giving up. (how silly, i know) but yeah!

First class of 2011, looking forward actually. I think i should try, jus try (like the last straw), this time round to turn negativity to positivity! JIAYOU LAWSONN! =) Night

Christmas is drawing near. Its the season of sharing and giving. This month would probably be the most joyous month in the calender. In the light of that， it seem to be an impeccable time to somewhat conclude my 2010.

What i can say is that this year has been really kind to me. Every thing seems to be smooth sailing. No fuss, havoc. Which i am very thankful for. Thank you! If I've a chance, I would take this chance to think about what i am sorry for. Many a time (year) in my new year resolutions, i would yearn to perform better for the upcoming. More often than not, I realize there are things that i should have done better.

2 principal lesson that i learnt this year. And it somewhat feels like a drug that was administered into me. One, we were taught values in life. One of them is to be nice to person and in return, you will be treated likewise. Yeah, it is true. The crux of the matter is not to be nice all the time but you should learn how to be nasty in certain situations. There isn't any benefits in return for going that extra mile. Two, honesty and being earnest doesn't work all the time. Believe me it doesn't. There are implications that would surprise you and catch you unaware. Oh well, lets just keep things short. Having go through this paragraph at one glance, it may seem that i am trying to turn things negatively. Or some may think, here Lawsonn goes again, he is having an emotional night yet again. Seriously, all these do happen in reality. The world would be better place if it doesn't happen.

And another thing. Sense of urgency, this intrinsic feeling that has been lacking since the commencement of school! I seriously have no idea why i not have the energy to raft my engine! Sigh.


进入深夜的感觉真好
周遭的宁静沉淀着内心里的
始终让我领悟到

有时候我只想简简单单的

I M Possible

Never have i thought. Actually there was once, where i wished that "this" would happen. To me personally, it was rather IMPOSSIBLE to attain "this". Hence, i didn't pin any hope on that. Back then, i wondered to myself "Wouldn't it be nice if "this" happened".

"This" actually turned into reality. Euphoric! I did it! I cant describe the sense of accomplishment. Results, it was part of "this". As a matter of fact, just by glancing through my past entries, one would know that i was clearly pessimistic when it comes to my results. Honestly, this year wasn't an easy one having to juggle work and study. To many, having to do a sedentary work seems to be a walk in the park or a waste of time. BUT! This privilege doesn't happen in my department. I'm always busy. And after which, I have to rush to school for night lessons. Thinking back, its very scary. Thankfully, results turn out to be better than i expected.

Even though, with sight that next year wouldn't be an easy one (in fact, a harder year), it feels empowering after ripping what i have sowed this year. On the hind side, the effort to study and to repeat this tireless cycle once more, simply puts me again. Oh well, then again. With a little faith (it really makes a difference), I M POSSIBLE! =)

Chanced upon a really good book recently. House Rules by Jodi Picoult. Purchased it in fact. It depicts a teenage boy who is autistic and how he and his family get by each day. Being autistic( a strong sense of rigidness to changes), the story unfolds how he face the death of his tutor. Seriously, this book amaze me and i take my hats off for the wonderful language that was written by the author. I have yet to complete the book, two thirds away from completion. Am taking my time.

Then again.I was never once a book reader. In my life, i have completed 1 book! Just 1 book, The Da Vinci Code. What an irony.

Another interesting point to highlight, Jodi Picoult has written another wonderful story entitled "My Sister's Keeper". I guess most of you would have heard it from the cinemas, else read the book. GOSH! I didnt read the book but the movie version was speechless! Googled the movie and learnt that there were changes made the ending. I feel that somewhat the original version suits the title more than the movie version. For those who have not seen this movie, i strongly recommend this show. It is different from the normal blond cheesy movie, it has a meaning behind it, tells you the value in life and in kinship. I am also pretty sure that you will get some learning points in life from that movie. Personally, i did, wonderful =)

今晚，在机缘巧合之下，让我领悟到了一件事。人，往往把人事件当成很平常的事，但事实并非如此。事实以幻想现况出极大地对比。这也反复提醒了我，不要以为事情是礼所当然的。我抱着一份很感恩的心，也没什么可瞒愿的。

前一阵子，告诉自己因为在学业上放足了十二个月的努力、汗和泪水，趁这个机会要好好休息。现在机会来了，却有一股失去方向而茫然的感觉。天啊天， 人就是这么犯贱！就在这停笔，如果心血来操才blog吧！

Exams are overrrrrrr!!!! YAYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy... will post another entry on this topic since i ammmmmmmmm so freeeeeeeeeeee now!

Exams got the better of me this week. Never attempted having 2 papers in a day. Of which, one pays heavy emphasize on calculations while the other emphasizes on the theory. Last night was a true mad rush. It extended even til today. Due to the massive amount of information retained in my capacity-constrain brain, it feels as though the latter is somewhere missing. This inevitably questioned my ability and my confidence. T

There were moments in the exams where i had to pause for a good 10 mins and to recount a simple formula. The only consolation was, the papers were do-able. I know, this should call for jubilation and celebration. I smiled, felt jubilant and light, for a split second that is. I am not trying to be pessimistic, i will tip over to optimism if i have to. But these papers are a late down. i will survive, i will move on. actually its a huge relief that this hurdle this over.

By expressing my heartfelt gratitude to those people who wished me well for the exams and for my mental well-being(not that i am crazy but when i am in my "meltdowns"). Am very thankful for the confidence in me (i still think it is HIGHLY OVERRATED). Thank you